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Monday, October 02, 2006
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Stop the press...
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| So it looks like this one may not stick after all. After a morning of feeling tired and achy at work I wandered into the bathroom to pee only to find a pinkish smear on the tp. I immediately went home because I've danced to this tune before and if I was going to dance again I wanted to do it in the comfort and privacy of my own home. Not much happened on the way home and when I got there I climbed into bed to read and loaf. I got up to go potty and had a spot before I sat down. Once the bladder was emptied I had much more than a spot. I sighed the sigh of the resigned and got back in the bed with the phone. Called the Dr. and after much yammering in a soft-peddled sort of way it was decided that I will call in the morning to see if I should have them rush my ultrasound and fit me in tomorrow. Based on the amount of cramping going on, it seems moot. The darling spouse came home and has decided to tune out to Star Wars movies which I don't blame him for. I took two 650 milligram tylenol and haven't felt any relief yet. It's unfortunate but I know these are choices I don't get to make. Of course, it makes me sad, but I know that we can get through this. We've done it before. There are moments when I think "I don't deserve another baby anyway, I'm not a good person..." but I didn't last time either and honestly, who really does? Most of the time my thoughts are full of faith and logic and I don't know, just good sense then a purely emotional one rolls in and wipes everything else out for a second. I have to remind myself that my faith is real and right and that it's absolutely worth it and that it's proven itself before and will again. Then I remind myself that it's a process and as such it's going to take time. I don't feel depressed, just sad and disappointed. And annoyed at the setback too. I know that it's not the most reasonable reaction but I want to stamp my foot and look at God and say "don't you realize how long this is taking?" Of course He does and I know His time is always the right time but patience was never my strong suit and I stink at keeping my mouth shut. I can still smile or laugh at funny things and did while reading my e-mail but I know it will take some time before I'm back to my usual sarcastic self and am in full command of my sense of the absurd. But I'll get there eventually, even if I have to eat ice cream thrice daily and make fun of celebrities nonstop. I'm willing to sacrifice for my sense of humor. I'm that dedicated. |
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posted by The Writer
7:00 PM
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I love ya. I am praying for you. Call me if you need me.
This sucks dude.
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I am so, so sorry you're facing all this worry and the possibility of another loss.
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I love ya. I am praying for you. Call me if you need me.
This sucks dude.