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Saturday, September 23, 2006
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Dipping a toe in the ocean.
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We are on the verge of getting our feet wet. We have appointments with the ob scheduled for mid and late October. I almost feel that we are jinxing ourselves by even behaving in the most cautious, remote manner as though we are actually pregnant. I know that all previous tests (of several varieties, I know) point towards there actually being a baby on board but I know in my infinite (foolish, ridiculous, pig-headed, marinating in my own denial) wisdom that it would be folly to assume that it were actually true. It seems so much more likely that whatever symptoms I am currently experiencing are due entirely to something I ate and that my pants are getting tighter because I ate a lot of that something that is causing the aforementioned symptoms. If I seem a little more tired than usual it is because I must be experiencing the same sort of growth spurt that my son is and I will eventually be 5'11" and that will make me thinner and I will suddenly have lovely skin and cheek and collar bones you could cut glass with and I will be offered a lucrative contract to give up solid food and traipse drunkenly down a walkway wearing something hideous that costs more than my car. See? I'm completely in control of the situation. If my period shows up I will be able to point rigidly, even frantically, and say "See? I told you all along! I knew that it was just those strangely flavored refried beans we had that time!" Hah! I can't be fooled! I can't be bamboozled! I know exactly what's going on and I won't be taken in by some silly plastic pee-sticks and some so-called "receptionist" in a doctor's office. These paltry tricks are beneath me. I'm too smart for that.
Yeah.
Ok, so I've lost my mind. I've been wavering back and forth between this insanity and a tentative trust that gives me that feeling you get when you've stuck your neck out and you can feel the whoosh of the axe coming your way. I'm having a hard time even knowing what to say when my husband tries to talk to me about it. Luckily most of the time we've been under the same roof in the last week I've been dead asleep. He's been very gentle with me both physically and emotionally which is a bit different from our usual wrestling and sarcastic, giggly repartee. I think he can see the sad, unfortunate insanity in my eyes. Poor thing. He's probably afraid I'll bean him with the coffee pot if he cracks a joke. Ok. I've purged enough. I'm feeling sufficiently calm enough to go for a walk with my son.
Now, where did I put those new maternity pants........? |
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posted by The Writer
10:09 AM
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Post like this..... ahhh.. I love you, girl! Very funny.
And sister, accept it.
You're pregnant.
For however long God deems necessary, hopefully another 33 weeks or so.
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Post like this..... ahhh.. I love you, girl! Very funny.
And sister, accept it.
You're pregnant.
For however long God deems necessary, hopefully another 33 weeks or so.