Anyone for Seconds?: The epidemic.

Anyone for Seconds?

Secondary Infertility is the name of the game. Who wants to play? A TTC blog of internal torture.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

The epidemic.

Have you ever noticed the frantic fever pregnancy causes these days? I'm amazed by the barrage of shows, articles and photos constantly pelting the average American involving that most delicate of conditions. It's as though the original feminist ideas of becoming a professional in the jobs men dominated is still a groovy idea, but only if you can have a bunch of babies too.

I'm neither for or against doing one or the other. Or both, if that's what your heart tells you. I both enjoy my job and my son. I enjoy working and I enjoyed the time I had at home with him. One of my girlfriends homeschools her 5 children and while I think that she's either insane or glutton for punishment, I envy her for not only loving her children but wanting to spend all day with them 7 days a week.

I did not personally want to spend the rest of my life at home with my son. It became apparent to us rather quickly that he would not get the kind of stimulation at home that he could receive at a daycare. Almost as soon as we began taking him he was a happier kid. That first week or two it sucked eggs all around because I felt that I was the world's worst mother abandoning him at the mercy of a bunch of selfish, grubby-handed monsters and an adult who could never love and comfort him the way I do and he pretty much just wanted to go with me. I didn't realize that I was starved for adult interaction until that first day at work. I had no idea what television shows or movies they were talking about nor did I have any idea what they were talking about when that much-loved topic of Hollywood gossip came up. Apparently I had been sucked into the black hole that is a baby. It took me quite a while to catch up but when when I did I found that my hubby and I got along better and we both had more cheerful interaction with our son and he was happier and more comfortable around other people so we didn't feel like we had to stay in the house all the time. We could actually take him places!

So I don't think there's anything wrong with being a working mommy if you are willing to put the extra work into having a strong relationship with your kids. My problem is that the current media onslaught makes it sound like all these famous, successful, hard-working women haven't really fulfilled their destinies until they managed to get knocked up. And if one of them decides that they don't want children she seems to be subject to instant publicity drought. I must admit I do get tired of the constant coverage of who's pregnant and so-and-so's baby and blah blah. I'm sure it wouldn't bother me if I could do it myself, in fact I'm sure it would give me instant camaraderie with these women. But I can't, so it doesn't. What it makes me want to do is set fire to every magazine rack I see and boycott the Discovery Channel for the rest of my natural life.

All I know is that once I start those lovely drugs, I will be joining a huge movement of women who are either TTC, pregnant or mothering and talking about it non-stop on every form of communication known to man. I have no doubt that somewhere in the deepest jungle women are sending smoke signals to each other about the length of their luteal phases or the texture of their cervical mucus. It couldn't just be us civilized peoples, now could it? I have to admit that I feel somewhat displaced in the whole thing because we did have a baby once. It's not initial infertility that I'm dealing with, it's secondary. Everyone seems to think I'm insane because it bothers me. Why shouldn't it? Should initial infertility bother someone less because they can always fall back on adoption? Or because they have been blessed with an otherwise fabulous life? Yes, I'm thankful for my son. Yes, I appreciate him. No, I don't intend to just give up on trying for another child because I'm so thankful and appreciative. I don't see why I should, just as I don't see why anyone else should. I'm something of an anomaly anyway. I've not taken birth control in 15 years, I'm under the age of 30, I'm not overweight, don't seem to have a hormone imbalance, I like to eat vegetables, I'm not too lazy or immoral or filled with road rage. Yet not one single doctor is able to tell us what the hell the problem is. They are really just guessing at this point. Well guess away, I can take it.

I'll just take the drugs and start stockpiling Stoli and Marlboros just in case.

posted by The Writer 11:57 AM

1 Comments:

At 3:04 PM, Alli and Frankie said…

Wow - I have sympathy for you. Our stories are similar. SI is not easy.

Good luck with your journey into the i/f world! What will your protocol be the first time out?

It's so frustrating when they tell you that they have no idea what the problem is, and, sadly, that happens often.