|
Sunday, September 10, 2006
|
|
The weirdest thing ever.....
|
So. Starting the Clomid in a few days right? Not. Took an HPT just to make sure meds are a go and got, yup you guessed it, two pink lines. Two. Pink. Lines. So I guess that means it's positive, right? That's what the little instruction diagram states. Not that I haven't had one or two of those before and they didn't stick. The second one stuck for a good week or two (not that I was counting or anything) before the red tide swept me away so I'm feeling a little weird about this. My darling spouse is feeling strange as well and I don't blame him. We were all ready to go with the drugs and counting on that to get us where we want to go. I'm not sure that disappointed is the right word but there is a certain amount of let down. Like we were leading up to this momentous event and it got canceled as we were getting in the car in our formal attire. Or maybe more like being promised the best sex in the world and having the hottest guy ever start snoring right before the big "O" hits you. So I'm not crushed or anything, because really, how stupid would that be, but the whole thing has a weird feel to it. I guess what's irking my cork is that my plans (well laid and gung-ho as they were) have suddenly changed and because of past events I'm not feeling like getting my hopes up. Or maybe I am and am just refusing to acknowledge that they're floating in the back of my mind. Either way. Something else that's been funny in a stupidly ironic way is that I have a tendency to magnify any and all possible pregnancy symptoms until they are gargantuan and pathetically reaching and now I'm realizing that all these huge glaring symptoms were there and I ignored them because "I had a plan." So not only am I feeling weird but I'm also feeling like the most ignorant, oblivious, narrow-minded dipstick in the state. Usually I talk myself into feeling pregnant. This would be the only time I've ever tried to talk myself out of it. And who the hell does that? Really!? I'm positive it's just me. So here I sit, trying to wrap my mind around a phenomena that I've been trying to wrap my body around for months on end and I'm not being blessed with any epiphanies as to why this is so ungodly abnormal to my poor beleaguered brain. In short, I feel like an idiot. On drugs. Not the kind I was planning to take but the mind-bending ones I enjoyed in college. I don't remember feeling this way the first time and that was a huge surprise. I was trying this time and now it won't compute. What the hell is wrong with me? Anyway, I'll just ask for some prayers and whatnot sent my way that this one sticks if it was meant to and that the drugs are as wonderful as I was told if this one doesn't stick
Who could ask for more than that? |
|
posted by The Writer
10:22 PM
|
| |
|
-
stick stick stick...............
|
|
| << HOME |
|
|
|
|
|
|
myprofile
|
previouspost |
myarchives |
mylinks |
bloginfo |
|
stick stick stick...............