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Wednesday, March 14, 2007
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Yay?
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| According to my bitching buddy's scale I gained a few pounds back that I had previously lost. That makes me feel much better. Because of the losses we've had in the past I tend to be a bit nit-pickier about things that may be signs of trouble. Ever since finding out that I'd lost instead of gained I've been trying to silence the voice in the back of my head that said maybe the baby had died in there and that's why things hadn't been changing as much as I'd expected them to. That maybe this was a sign that this one wasn't going to work out either. I was doing pretty well ignoring it and praying and just trusting that everything is doing what it is supposed to, but having things look more normal (from my skewed point of view) makes me feel safer. Silly, probably but I can't help it. It's really strange to be told I'm pregnant, accept it, and then have to wait to feel that way. I don't feel sick, just tired. I saw the baby on the ultrasound in there moving around but I can't feel it yet. Really, it could not be real and I'd not know it at this point. I'm trying not to be paranoid or maudlin about it, but there have been mornings when I've laid in bed and just begged to be able to feel that little bean move just so I know things are going right. Everyone who has ever told me that it's hard as hell to be pregnant after a loss was right. It really is. There are days that I'm on an even keel all day and don't feel any pressure from my fears at all. Of course there are other days that aren't like that at all. I suppose it could be hormones as well but being aware of that possibility doesn't really make me feel any better. I'm determined to win and not let the stress ruin my enjoyment of this pregnancy and I'm sure that if I don't get the better of this it won't go away when I feel the baby move, it will just move on to something else. I don't want that to happen. I'm just not sure how to make sure it doesn't. I know that God won't do anything that isn't good for us, but I know that sometimes the things he does can be really hard and painful, even when they are good. It's hard to find a good balance and remain open to the excitement and joy without letting in the worry and stress too. The other issue is that I feel guilty with the worry because it makes me feel like I'm being ungrateful. I am very thankful for this pregnancy and how far we have come. Urg. This is all so frustrating! I'm going to stop talking about it now, I don't think it's getting me anywhere and I'm sure you all don't want to hear about it! What fun right? Oy, I should write songs for the Cure. |
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posted by The Writer
9:28 PM
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Being scared is normal. Trust me..I know. Consider it normal and just do everything in your power to not let it engulf you and rob you of your joy.
This baby is wrapped in the arms of the angels no matter what happens and all signs point to a successful outcome.
Focus on the good, pray...a lot and you will do just fine.
As for the nirvana coming out of the kitchen...you have been complaining that most foods are turning your stomach so..I don't know..we'll see on Sunday!
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Congratulations Franay! Thank you for writing this blog. I found this blog while searching for information on secondary infertility. Your fertility journey sounds like mine. We had no problems conceiving our little miracle daughter 3 years ago. We began TTC last August. I was at my wits end and doc finally said he will do an HSG this month to check for adhesions as I had a c-section with my first period. period. That period never came, I was pregnant - I felt so relieved - after trying for 8 months, we were finally pregnant! Unfortunately I am now in the process of miscarrying the pregnancy. My progesterone was low. Doc said he is not worried about my tubes now b/c I got pregnant. I am very concerned about my progesterone - since I ovulate regularly (or at least did prior to miscarriage) there is no clomid in my future. When did you start the progesterone in this pregnancy? Post ovulation or post BFP? My doc wants to wait to put me on progesterone until I get a BFP. I am concerned that my doc isn't doing everything he can.
Thank you again for writing this blog - it is good to know somebody else feels (or felt) like I did - and it is inspiring to know you are pregnant!
CGK
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I'm glad I could help. It's been a long journey full of ups and downs. I started my progesterone after the BFP, and it was a good thing. It really helped things and the side effects were pretty mild. I will say this, if your doctor isn't taking this as seriously as you'd like, get a second opinion. I switched from a family doctor to an OB and that helped, although we still had two miscarriages before things really started moving. I don't think I had too big an issue ovulating, but Clomid does significantly reduce your chances of miscarriage so I was thankful for that as well. Before this pregnancy we were over the two year mark for ttc so we were skeptical that it would ever really work out for us. God has blessed us in this, and I believe he will bless you as well. I won't mouth any platitudes about time, relaxing or anything to that effect because I don't really believe them. I think the best thing is to be really proactive with your healthcare, educate yourself as much as possible and be your own advocate. It sounds like you are off to a great start! Keep me posted!
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Being scared is normal. Trust me..I know. Consider it normal and just do everything in your power to not let it engulf you and rob you of your joy.
This baby is wrapped in the arms of the angels no matter what happens and all signs point to a successful outcome.
Focus on the good, pray...a lot and you will do just fine.
As for the nirvana coming out of the kitchen...you have been complaining that most foods are turning your stomach so..I don't know..we'll see on Sunday!